The subject of this entry once again concerns the idiots that inhabit this planet. The ground shrinks beneath us under the weight of mindless fools. The main places you can find morons are as follows:

1. Supermarkets – their behaviour is unmistakably oblivious to any other person that might exist and be around their immediate area. They stand in the middle of the aisle with their morbidly obese asses and trolleys and when you try to squeeze through, the gaseous sigh that escapes their mouths, not unlike the flatulence that no doubt hisses a constant stream from those morbidly obese behinds, tells you in no uncertain terms that YOU are the annoyance. Forget that their trolley is stuck right out in the aisle while they stare vacantly at the floor. Idiots.

2. Another supermarket gripe is when you are trying to get some vegetables and/or fruit, and one of these vapid idiots is hovering behind you, and you have been there perhaps for 30 seconds, and a feral, nasal tone whines, “Can I get to the beans, please?” and they then proceed to push and shove into you with their ample and vomit-inducing rolls of ample fat. How convenient for them to forget that they are the people who waste your time while they pick out each bean separately and drop them ever so slowly in the plastic bag before once again staring into space. Heaven forbid I should spend 30 seconds trying to get some mushrooms before some snotty kid wipes his or her grimy hands all over them.

3. Which brings me to my third supermarket complaint. Kids who are constantly touching and grabbing and eating and wiping their disgusting hands all over the food, namely the nuts and dried fruit. Whenever I see some unsuspecting patron actually scooping this food into a bag, I wonder how much of the weight is the food and how much is spit, snot and other such soilage. The most annoying part of this is when a rarely responsible parent reprimands their children for this behaviour, and then the kid starts screaming and crying. This annoyance is doubled when you turn to see that the screaming beast in question is already hugely fat and needn’t eat for the next 5 years.

4. Public transport – is it just me, or is everyone who takes the bus and/or train a total loser? (everyone except your’s truly of course) Every day I am forced to stand behind people (and I use the term loosely) who walk at such a slow pace it can only be described as if they were wading through a pond, and why does the person who appears to be half dead and coughing and sneezing constantly always choose to sit directly behind me, or worse, right NEXT to me, when there are 50 other seats available elsewhere. People leave their bags on the seats and when you try to sit down – as there are no other seats – they huff and puff and remove their bag as if it was the most painful thing on earth. DID YOUR BAG PAY FOR A TICKET, I yell in my head.

5. Lifts – a similar problem to the point above. When you get in a lift, you tend to wait to see if anyone wants to come out first, am I right? I do this anyway. And yet, to me it seems that nobody else does. Every time I get out of a lift, I am almost smacked in the face by multiple idiots rushing in as soon as the doors open, often wheeling prams stuffed full of drooling, stinky babies. I DO NOT WANT YOUR SPAWN IN MY FACE, THANK YOU! WAIT a second and then please, feel free to stink up the lift all you like with your fart breath stench!

6. Market research and/or telemarketers – where do I begin? Everyone already knows they always call at dinner time so I won’t even get into that. What I am terminally sick of is how immensely rude they are. Firstly, when you answer the phone, most of the time these days there is no one there on the other end, but just a low buzzing. If you wait long enough, (which I no longer do) a voice will abruptly bark over the line, “Hello? HELLO?” as if it’s YOU who has taken 10 seconds to answer the phone. They are the ones who have disturbed your privacy and then they don’t even have the common courtesy to BE there when you answer their intrusive phone call? Then if you make the mistake of actually engaging them with any words at all, they will just talk and talk and continue to talk over you until you simply hang up in frustration and possibly deafness.

I have run short of time…dealing with insipid morons daily tends to sap your energy and I now must rest.

I am fresh with new complaints about the world!

1. The post office (yes, AGAIN. I have a lot of mail, ok!? *wild eyes*). I went to the post office today to collect that parcel that was sent to the wrong post office, and also 2 others, and I was waiting patiently while the guy went to get my parcels. I saw him come out, laden down with packages, but then he just seemed to disappear...so I was still waiting, when I noticed he was now over the other side of the post office trying to assist another post office employee with some sort of problem, still trying to balance my numerous parcels, all while I was just standing there waiting!!

I was immensely annoyed with this woman employee who required his attention when I was waiting. When I, A CUSTOMER, was WAITING. Which part of that sentence did she not understand? What if I was late for something or in a hurry? They don't know I have no life! I could've had a million important and vital things to do! How dare she waste my time?!

I don't blame the guy, he was nice and it wasn't his fault (although doormat behaviour is annoying to a degree). It was all her. I hate her, stupid COW! *hurling discarded cardboard packaging* Why was her need greater than mine, eh? Answer: it WASN'T! Cow.

2. People who spray inordinate amounts of perfume when in a confined space. On the bus today, this woman sprayed some sort of body spray or perfume all over herself...and it smelt not unpleasant, but there was just too much of it! I mean, just because she feels she stinks doesn't mean everyone else in the general area has to have their nose incapacitated for hours afterwards.

3. Slow walkers. Unless they are very old, THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR SLOW WALKING! Get moving, people! *Jerry Seinfeld voice* (Anyone remember him? He and the general ensemble of Seinfeld are my favourite male comedian(s) (except for the delectable Elaine who is very obviously NOT a male *drool* LOL. Anyone seen her new show? It's sort of lame, but she's hot so I ignore the show in general and its shortcomings)

But yes, back to the slow walkers. I am constantly trying to get home as quickly as my legs will carry me, as I am always starving by the time I leave work. So I am TRYING to walk home quickly but am constantly thwarted by these tortoises in my way. What is especially annoying is when there is a group or a pair of slow movers who refuse to walk in a row so you can get past! Just because they wish to walk as fast as an ant carrying a crumb 100 times its own size doesn't mean I want to!! GET OUT OF MY WAY, SPACE WALKING ASS WIPES!

The other night we were watching a DVD (called Paper Moon. It was made in the early 70s but set in the 30s or something. I wasn't sure I'd like it very much but it was really good) and then suddenly we noticed that the lounge room smelled very strongly of bacon.

Now, neither of us really enjoy bacon, and personally I find it DISGUSTINGLY REPUGNANT, so after about 20 minutes of the stench permeating the whole entire house, I had resorted to placing my top over the whole bottom section of my face just so I could breathe without almost gagging from the disgusterousness of it all.

This happens every single day. For some horrible reason, the people in the flat downstairs from us cook bacon and/or chops and/or bacon and/or various other fried meats and/or bacon EVERY DAY for breakfast, lunch, dinner AND at any given time between the hours of 11pm and 4am!

You can mainly smell it from the bathroom as it seems to come through an air vent somewhere, but never before has it inundated the whole HOUSE! Pure rancidness!

I don't know how they're not all hideously and unpleasantly fat, eating bacon so often. I feel fat just from constantly being forced to smell it!

Why must we have to put up with this nasal abuse? Hmmm? I seriously want to put on a surgical mask, sit on a deck chair out the front of their door and hold up a picture of a pig, in silent protest of their stinky-worthy habits.

You know what I hate?

(1) When you get to a set of traffic lights and you want to cross the road and you see someone is already standing there...what do you do? Do you press the button and then endure their withering expression that plainly says, "I'm standing right here. Do you think I'm so dumb I wouldn't have pressed the magic button myself? Moron!" or do you risk the possibility that they really ARE that dumb and not press it, but then end up missing the lights all together, and also take the chance that you may savagely beat them when they turn to you and say inanely, "Gee...I mustn't have pressed the button! Fancy that!"

Similarly, when you are the one waiting at the lights first, and have OBVIOUSLY pressed the button, and then some dribbling idiot arrives and presses it again. Sometimes they'll even look over at you as if you say, "I pressed the button. I don't think you look smart enough to have pressed it yourself. But see, *I* am smart so I pressed it. Imagine if I hadn't come along? You would've been standing here for hours, not having pressed that button!" Whenever anyone presses the button after I am already standing there, I always (ALWAYS) glare at them with hateful rage.

(2) When you're on a bus and you or someone else has pressed the button to get off at the next stop, and then someone else presses it after you when the thing at the front of the bus is CLEARLY LIT UP SAYING "NEXT STOP" or "BUS STOPPING" or some similar signal that YES, the button HAS BEEN PRESSED! Such fools, these people! Why go out in public at all, I say? What's the point?

What makes the above scenario even more annoying is when the said idiot keeps on pressing the button, growing ever more distressed by its lack of being pressed, as they think it's not working. *sigh of hideously suppressed fury*

(3) When you open a packet of chips and find that not only is the packet now 2/3 full of air (I'm SURE they're putting more air in there now! Anybody else suspect this?), but that pretty much all the chips have been crushed into tiny crumbs...what the hell is that!? How're you supposed to eat this? Are you expected to eat from a packet of chips using a SPOON? Is that the supermarket's idea of a sick joke?!

(4) When YOU try to play a joke on whoever unsuspectingly tries to buy one of these packets of chips by bringing in an old, used and opened packet, and stuffing it with a banana skin before re-sealing it (using nothing really), some supermarket worker always seems to find this fake pack of chips before anyone else, and discards it. WHY? Just let me have my fun, will ya? Dammit.

(5) Also, when all you want is ONE plastic eating utensil like, say a spoon, but don't want to buy a whole pack, so you go in and break open a pack of such utensils and take one...I mean...why do we have to resort to stealing a single plastic spoon, eh? In this day and age, just GIVE them away for COB'S SAKE! Or at least sell them separately!

The same thing applies with batteries...I was always having to go into supermarkets and swap my old empty batteries for new ones...I was forced to open the packet, take out my old useless batteries and put them in the packet, and then put the new batteries in my walkman (this is obviously before the invention of MP3 players or musical phones)...batteries are just too expensive...(apparently it was also before the invention of security cameras)

And also with black textas in packets...(that word looks wrong..."texta"... meh, whatever). They always run out first, so you're made to put black textas from other new packets in the supermarket into your soon-to-be-bought packet, in the place of the puke-worthy colours like that hideous swamp green/brown colour or the off yellow thing...who actually uses these gag vomit shades?! JUST PUT MORE BLACKS IN THERE, PEOPLE! NOBODY WANTS YOUR PUTRESCENT COLOURS!

(6) When you're typing something, and for some reason you just keep making the same mistake over and over, like hitting the wrong keys on the same word, and you just can't type it right!!! And then your hand almost goes a bit crazy and your brain starts to get really annoyed...this may just happen to me. LOL.

(7) When you're in a lift and others too are in it, and you press your button you notice several other buttons are pressed, and then at some stage the lift stops...and nobody gets out or in...and you're thinking, "Ok...who the hell pressed the wrong floor and now won't even pretend they're NOT a damn FOOL and get out and let us all get to where we're probably late to get to!?"

What makes this even worse is (a) if you're late, (b) if the lift smells really bad, (c) when it happens numerous times during the same lift ride, and (d) when the person you think it is finally does get out, and then you realise they've just farted in the lift, leaving you alone with someone who thinks it's you.

(8) When you're sleeping in a place where there are several other people also sleeping (such as a party of some sort perhaps), and someone is snoring very loudly, and you're trying to make as much noise as possible to make sure that anyone who might be awake knows it's not you snoring. This really stresses me out. LOL.

(9) When you make a major effort to keep dry if it's pouring when you leave the house, like you've got your big coat on (I have a lovely coat, I shall refer to it in my next journal entry which shall be in approximately 3 minutes) and you've got your umbrella and you're wearing sneakers (even though you're going to work. You thus have to change into different shoes when you get there, which is also inconvenient but you make the effort in order to stay dry)...and you're doing well, you're pretty dry, and then...you're almost where you're going (such as waiting at lights to cross the highway to get to the bus stop, or to get to work)...and then a bus comes by and literally sends a TIDAL WAVE of water crashing all over you.

This actually happened to me at the very end of my first week at my new job I started about 5 weeks ago. I was so happy to be dry, as I'd been soaked every day previously that week, but this time I was properly prepared...and then the evil swine bus came and ruined everything.

I had water all over me, like my hair was completely drenched and right down to my socks and sneakers...my pants were stuck to me like glue, and basically...I would have been more dry if I'd actually jumped into a pool fully clothed. That is how wet I was. I almost turned around and went home, I was so appalled. It was like something out of a movie! LOL.

(10) When you buy a ridiculously expensive banana from the supermarket and when you go to eat it that same night, find it's all black and disgusting. $15.99 a kilo for inedible fruit!? BAH TO THAT!

APPALLING!! The society we live in is SICK, just SICK! Totally and utterly SICK! *vomiting on my own shoes*

The good news is that I now have a new phone, with a camera in it (I am so behind the times. This is new and exciting for me, a phone CAMERA! LOL) so I've been taking pictures constantly and mostly deleting them straight afterwards cause they're dumb and/or ugly. LOL. I took one of this perpetually surly woman who's always at my after work bus stop...she didn't know I took it...is that illegal? Meh. Whatever. It's her fault for being such a surly old goat. And she keeps dyeing her hair black which just does NOT suit her! I also took a photo of my feet whilst waiting for the bus...so it seems that immense boredom is not condusive to good photography. LOL.

I am also waiting for the arrival of my new iRiver. It is exactly the same as my stolen one, so...goodo! I went on Ebay (got my phone from Optus after seeing Ebay had no other phones I liked as much that were under $350 *pout*) and found it. It's some seller in England, which is where I also got my original one...America has them but they just won't ever post here (customs or something), but England do. YAY!!!

I also ordered this adorable sheep keyring from an online UK gift store. SO cute, white and soft and fluffy, but small enough to be a non-stupidly huge or dangly keyring. :) So right now my new keys are just jangling around loosely in my recovered bag...poor bag...poor keys...poor original iRiver and phone...where art thou!? WHY WERE YOU TAKEN FROM ME SO RUDELY AND SUDDENLY! I keep thinking, the last time I looked at my phone, or when I took my iRiver headphones off and put it in my bag when I got off the bus last Thursday at Pacific Fair, I had no idea that those would be the last times I'd ever see either of those beloved and cherished items...*sob* LOL. So melodramatic, eh?

Anyway, yeah...my mum and dad are actually changing the lock on the front gate now too, cause my Melbourne house keys were on the stolen keyring and the thieves could have written my Melbourne address down for later since it was on my license...LOL. A bit far fetched perhaps, but they may have been tourists and so could go there and try to get in...it's not THAT weird a theory I guess, considering all the tourists here.

Meh...I have to get off the net. I've been on here so long my butt has become a skincake. (a pancake, but made of butt skin. *vomiting again*) LOL.

I have to get ready to go and meet Nikki in Broadbeach soon for dinner. I'm not hungry though...I ate a banana on the way home from work cause I was hungry and biding my time...see, Kate (a girl at work who lives opposite me on the street...I mean, she lives in a building opposite me in my street, not that she lives literally ON the streets!!! LOL), her mum's been staying with her for the past 3 weeks (they're from New Zealand originally), and today they met for lunch at work and she came up and met all of us, Kate's workmates, and then she was going to get the bus back, so she got my bus since it goes right to Pacific Fair...

So we sat and chatted a bit and then the bus came...and we chatted some more...she's really nice. So then she said she was going to walk home (she's like, 70 years old but walks EVERYWHERE! She is SO fit, fitter than me!...which I guess wouldn't be hard, but you know...she's 70!!) so I said I was going to do some shopping and we went our separate ways...cause you know, as nice as she was, I didn't want to be walking all the way home with her too! LOL.

So I loitered in a clothes shop I don't particularly care for, flicked through a couple of magazines in the newsagent, went into Coles to complain and get 60c back...LOL. See, yesterday when we went grocery shopping, I noticed these little fruit bar things on the discounted trolley, and their use by date wasn't off or anything, and they'd been reduced to 50c, and they were full of iron and vitamin C and stuff, so I thought I'd try them (they were ok, very sort of...flattened fake fruit-like, but ok)...and then I noticed on the receipt later when we got home that they'd in fact charged me the full price of $1.09. HOW DARE THEY, I yelled at Nikki, who has been voluntarily deaf for several years now on account of my constant ramblings and indignant outbursts. LOL.

So today I took the wrapper with the 50c sticker on it, and the receipt, to Coles and got my remaining 60c back...I was half hoping they'd offer to give me another one for free, but no suck luck...CHEAPSKATES! LOL.

ANYWAY, back to my loitering and time biding this afternoon. After I left Coles I went past the fruit shop and bought a banana (a tiny one, for 30c, VERY nice) and then went and looked at bags in Myer for a while...then I thought since it'd been 15 minutes I'd be safe to go home now...(Kate's mum walks really fast from what I could tell)

So I went my normal way, and as I was walking over the bridge to the highway, I saw her a little way in the distance. DAMMIT, I thought! Why is she still so close!? LOL. I obviously hadn't wasted enough time! So I went to pretend to look at my phone and write messages or take a photo of the water under the bridge or something, but it had run out of batteries and was blank! DAMMIT again, I thought! So I then got out my mini iRiver (the 512mb one I had before my beloved and stolen 5gb one) and was fiddling with that for a while...then I could FINALLY go home. LOL. Am I a freak? Yes, I do indeed think that I am.

Anyway, now I am late to meet Nikki. THANKS A LOT! LMAO. Hope you're doing well!! Nikki's mum is in England right now, for 2 months, staying with her sister in Maidstone, Kent. :) They're going up to the lake district next week...not sure where that is exactly, but it sounds quite nice.

BYEE!!!!!

Hello butt sack. Thanks for stealing my bag with my iRiver and mobile phone and keys and wallet in it. Thanks a BUNCH!

I left my bag (Lonsdale of London bag as well, $50 a bag!) sitting on a table near shops at Pacific Fair shopping centre on the Gold Coast, and I KNOW it was a STUPID thing to do! I just completely forgot about it and walked off to do the grocery shopping...for an HOUR before realising, Hey! I don't have my bag on my shoulder!!

I went back for it and obviously it was gone...I went to the Police Station, lost & found, customer headquarters and the nearby newsagent (who kind of know me and was right next to where I'd left my beloved bag), but nope...

So we rush home, scared that whoever had taken it was now ransacking and looting our house, but thankfully nobody was there. I had just taken the phone to call the banks and credit card companies to cancel all my cards when it rang in my hand. It was my real estate agent informing me that a guy had called her (after allegedly finding a rent receipt in my bag with the agent address and my address on it) to tell her that he had my bag, and she gave me his number...this is something I found a TAD odd, in that he firstly hadn't just returned it to any of the above places I mentioned at Pacific Fair, and why hadn't he given it to my real estate agent for her to give to me? (they're right around the corner from my house)

Anyway, so I called him and he sounded nice enough, and said he'd be around in about an hour or so...(I don't drive so couldn't come and get it)...I found this a bit weird also...why take so long? But I didn't want to be rude and ask.

So he then called again at 6pm (quite a bit after he should have been here) and said he was running late and it'd be about 7pm...so 7pm came and went, and he FINALLY arrived at 8.30pm. I was by now quite nervous, and wondering whether he had been taking his time doing things like spending up big online on my credit cards (which by now I'd blocked anyway) or copying my keys and such other evil swine things...

So anyway, I now have my bag back. It was found quite a while away, on a street called Rio Vista Boulevard...so someone obviously found it, took what they wanted out of it and dumped it...thanks again, I say.

I HAD my mobile phone, iRiver, wallet and keys in there...what I NOW have is my wallet. Great. No keys so we had to get a 24hour locksmith (who was thankfully really nice and lovely) to change our locks, no phone and no iRiver. Just spiffy, that is.

So now I've spent the last 3 hours on Ebay searching for replacement phones and MP3 players. I WANT MY OWN ONES THOUGH! NOT NEW ONES! I feel so violated! Someone is possibly abusing my things! My phone with my animated cow licking the screen! My iRiver with all my personal songs in it! MINE! *stamping angry foot* MY KEYRING MY MUM GAVE ME! It's a cat. :( I bet whoever took it doesn't care about it. I love it. GIVE IT BACK, SWINE!

I can't write anymore. :(

That may sound a bit odd, but no, I'm not some sicko...I have however become infatuated with perfumes...(and designer handbags *becoming even more girly than I already was*)

Today I went to Myer and got my free sample of this perfume sample (tiny thing, but it's got a spray nozzle thing so it's still REAL perfume to me) and it's SO good...I keep smelling my wrist...every few minutes I smell it! LOL. I can't stop myself. I was doing it the whole way home and some people gave me funny looks. I got a bit defensive and felt like yelling that I don't have some wrist smelling symptom of OCD.

The other day I was in Price Attack for almost half an hour, spraying various perfumes onto those bits of paper, and then putting them all in my bag...and now of course I don't know which was which...some don't smell very good anymore either...one of them smelled like perfume mixed with dog poo...very nice for a night on the town. LOL.

I think perfume has somehow seeped into my brain...

Dammit! I am growing ever more angry by the neighbours downstairs who are once again cooking chops and sausages...the smell permeating from the bathroom is ruining my wrist fragrance!!! STOP EATING, TROLLS! LET ME SMELL MYSELF IN PEACE!

Ok, so I'm forever trying to come up with ideas to enable me to make millions so I don't have to work anymore, right? LOL.

I buy the occasional scratchy thing but the most I've ever won is $9...my wife and I buy a weekly lotto and we do ok there, usually winning about $30 every 2-3 months or so...but you know, unless you're a flea or some other miniscule being, that's not gonna be enough to retire on, is it?

So...I already had the arguably crap idea of somehow manufacturing a line of sort of sarcastic postcards under the sort of brand name, Wish You Were Here, which would feature scenes/situations that basically no one in their right mind would wish to ever find themselves in...such as some guy being in a bowl of cereal with a giant spoon looming above him...or being trapped in a womb...some nerd guy in hospital with his butt exposed in one of those useless green gowns and a whole heap of girls gathered outside the window with cameras (why, I don't know. LOL)

Anyway, but I have no idea how I'd go about actually getting these things sold or whatever, so...yeah.

My second so-called brainwave, which I had today while I was brushing my teeth, centres on a website with all reviews for everything...

Like, there are already websites that have accommodation reviews, movie reviews and such old-fashioned things...there's even a site somewhere that has reviews of plumbers or something, and apparently it was immensely popular, for the same reason as I would hope my own website would be...

I'd have reviews by everyday people, for everything you'd ever need to know...reviews on beauty salons, products, childcare centres, hairdressers, gyms, movie theatres, even public toilets around cities, accommodation, international airlines, restaurants, cars and car dealerships, tradesmen in general, phones and phone plans, MP3 players and other electronics, shops of all kinds, and basically just anything you want to do or use but sort of research before spending your money and/or time...

It'd be like a one stop thing, like...if you wanted to get a bikini wax for instance, but hadn't done it before or didn't know where to go, you'd go to my website and it'd have others' reviews you could search for under this specific subject, and they'd say where they went and if it was good, etc and just tell of their personal experiences...so you'd be highly educated before you yourself got it done. Useful, eh? I think so anyway. LOL.

If you had to put your kid in childcare for another example just for a day or something, you'd really find this good cause you could see normal people's opinions of various daycare places around, and could feel more confident that your kid's not gonna be hurt or whatever else...

I'd love there to one day be millions of reviews on anything and everything...and for my website to be an essential website on everyone's Favourites list and to accompany the normal Yellow Pages...and also, possibly it could even make the need for mystery shopping companies obsolete. Cause not only would it be useful for the consumers, but the actual people selling their services and goods would want to be good, lest they get a bad review and if enough people read it, their business goes down...so they would be wise to read the reviews and learn from what these people are saying about them...the same thing they get from the poor mystery shoppers who go out there and do much the same thing for like, $8 for 3 hours work. Pathetic!

I'd also be eager to have a link between the consumer and the service provider, like they could advertise their services and offer discounts in some way on my website if say, someone reviews them and gives a positive review and rating above 7 or something...yeah. LOL. *staring into space*

The only thing is, I have NO idea how I would actually make money from this idea. LOL. Does anyone know how to make money from websites?? Like, all these forums around the place, they're free to join and stuff, so...like...where is their money coming from!?!?

So yesterday I went to get a free session of Intense Pulse Light (IPL) hair removal therapy, as I had this coupon from a magazine...and it was pretty good.

Firstly, I couldn't find the salon though. I had a feeling it might be in David Jones, like a special salon area, you know? I was right, but then I ended up asking 2 separate make-up covered cosmetic counter women where it was, and then walking right past it...twice. LOL.

Anyway, when I finally found it I felt a bit feral. I had my bra straps hanging out (much to my annoyance. I see countless women of all ages, not just annoying teenagers, with their bra straps exposed in some sort of fashion statement, but I myself choose not to do this) because I had to change my top earlier from a work top to a singlet so the hair person could get to the area (underarms). So this little singlet was not the best for any bra wearing activities, but oh well. (and in the end, I had to take off the singlet anyway so my entire bra was exposed. Which I didn't mind at all...my belief is straps no, but bra in its entirety, yep!)

I also felt feral cause I had the coupon. It had been partially torn whilst in my bag (which is a GUESS brand handbag, by the way. So I am NOT feral, for anyone reading who cares! LOL *aware that nobody is reading and nobody cares*) and so I was like, handing over this crumpled and torn piece of paper for this free hair removal session...and the lady, although pleasant, must've been thinking (in her Kath & Kim Briiiighton mothers' pattern of speech) "How feral...she's got this torn scrap of paper here and can't even afford a decent top or to pay to remove her excess hair...how repugnant." LOL.

Anyway...yeah, so I go and get the hair removal, and it's ok. No pain. Just like really flimsy and lethargic hot rubber bands gently slapping your skin for half a second. I'd recommend it...except you have to go back 5-8 times...my hair technician recommended 6 sessions...but see, I don't really want to have to pay...LOL. *not cheap at all* And I sort of didn't say anything as she was booking my next appointment (in 6 weeks)...cause the whole time I'm plotting to either...

(a) Find out how much it actually costs to go back there for the rest of the sessions and if it's cheap enough, stick with it;
(b) If it's too much, go elsewhere;
(c) Go nowhere and forget it; or...(my preferred option)
(d) Find 5 other salons around here who offer discounts, similar coupons or a free first session, and basically get my whole 6 session treatment for free.

MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

I am going senile. I have come to accept this over the past year or so. I used to have a fairly good memory, but recently I have been finding I forget things almost as soon as I hear or see them...my poor long suffering wife has repeated so many things to me that I should have absorbed properly the first 8 times.

There's this music quiz show on the ABC called Spicks & Specks that we watch, and every now and then they have a segment where an old (and often lame and/or bizarre) music video clip is shown and you have to try and observe it closely and then answer questions. Well...I try, I really do. And yet as each question is asked, I find I have absolutely no recollection of any of it whatsoever! One such question I found this with was "How many forks were on the table?" and I was like, "Forks? Where were there forks!?" I had no recall of any such eating utensil. This does cause some apprehension to me at my still relatively youthful age.

Then this morning I was trying to do something with my hair whilst getting ready for work, when I realised I hadn't brushed my teeth. How silly of me, I thought, reaching for the toothbrush. It wasn't until halfway through brushing the right side of my mouth that I realised that I HAD in fact brushed my teeth, just 15 minutes earlier, as I ALWAYS do before commencing my hair and make up routine! Where has my brain gone??

Often I will be walking somewhere and a car will drive by and beep, and I'll actually glance down just to ensure I'm actually wearing pants. It's not as silly as it sounds! (and see? I've just used the word "silly" twice in 2 paragraphs! My brain, my brain! Where art thou, brain?!)

One time about a year ago, I had come out of a movie and then gone to the bathroom, and when I came out, my friends were like, "Um...what?" and gesturing in consternation at my pants. I looked down and saw my jeans were COMPLETELY undone! No attempt had even been made to do them up! No zipping, no buttoning, no nothing! NOTHING! Obviously I rectified the problem, I'm not a weirdo who would just look down, look up again and go, "Yes? What of it?" LOL. But why had I not done up my jeans?! WHY?!

The answer, I fear sadly, is that I am senile. I suppose all I can hope for is one day winning a raffle where the grand prize is a lifetime supply of Tener Lady and a couple of sets of dentures in different colours...(for my ever changing moods, you see...one set would be bright sparkling white, or Summer Breeze. Another would be an off grey/lightly stained for the realistic look, aptly named Winter Chill, and the other would be a mild yellow, named Morning Mist)...*staring off into space, stroking my non-existent beard*...

Well...last night I went out with the wife to an Indian restaurant...*withering sigh directed at myself* It looked like a really good place and we'd been meaning to try it out for years but never got around to it.

So anyway, we go in and it's all really nice, there was this aquarium and a thatched hut type structure around the kitchen so you couldn't see it, which was really nice...you know how most restaurants have the kitchen as like, this disgusting fleuro-lit hole down towards the end of the restaurant, near the bathrooms, and where no one wants to sit? Yeah.

So we ordered 2 entrees, some rice, naan bread and a main to share...the entrees came (which were SO GOOD), pakoras and something else. I LOVE veggie pakoras. So that was excellent...but then the main arrived...and thus came to an end the edible part of my dinner.

We had ordered this spinach and ricotta dish called Saag Paneer or something, and I've had it before and really loved it. It was NOT hot in the slightest this previous time (up in a restaurant in Brisbane)...but this time...ooohhh no. It was very...very...VERY...HOT.

We had asked if it was hot in advance as I can't eat very hot things. Nothing to do with my stomach or anything flatulence-related. It's just that quite simply my sensitive mouth will just not deal with hot or spicy foods very well. My whole throat, tongue and mouth burn and I can't taste any of the foods so...it's just a waste.

Which is precisely what this was. I wish I'd just stuck with the pakoras, cause now I've ended up paying $20 for 3 pakoras, a bottle of coke, a few spoonfuls of rice and a piece of naan bread. *sigh again*

But otherwise, it was a lovely evening.

I am now delirious as I have spent much of the afternoon cleaning mould off our bathroom walls and ceiling. Why our bathroom had mould spores residing in it, I do not know, but now they are no more. They cease to exist, and so it appears does my brain following copious inhalation of the mould killer spray cleaner. *gagging on my own brain which is attempting to exit my body through my mouth*

Um...oh yeah, that's right! *kicking brain into gear*

Every day I get the bus home from work and it's usually many of the same people on it, including the same driver, every day...and one of these regulars is this guy...

The first few times I saw him on the bus, all I noticed was how he got up out of his seat so early, like to get off, but blocks and lights early...and then he'd stand and talk to the driver...but one day I had my music off and could actually hear him talking, and realised I knew this rather mordibly obese man.

As I listened to his rather bizarre manner of talking (English but almost incoherent), I realised that I'd had him as a taxi driver once before, back in mid May of this year.

He is crazy, this guy. Me and my wife got in this cab after visiting my parents at their hotel, and we'd called a cab to go home, and we get in and say where we want to go, and a NORMAL person would say something or grunt and then drive, right? Well, this guy just says, "So?" and then SITS there...and we're like, HELLO??? And he's sitting and then he starts to laugh and explain that what he's doing is being cruel and playing with my parents...

He said that he liked to tease people by just sitting while their parents waited, growing ever more nervous about what's going on. He said the best time was when he had picked up a teenage girl from the airport who was going overseas for the first time, and the parents freaked out when he just sat there. HOW BAD IS THAT?!!?? We were NOT amused. Neither were my parents as I'm sure you can imagine.

So now everyday I see this weirdo...he doesn't recognise me. LOL. I hope.